Today has been an eventful day. We had a hierarchical liturgy, before which some good friends of mine were chrismated, and during which our sub-deacon was ordained a deacon. There is so much on my mind today that I can hardly keep my mind focused on one subject about which I want to write. But the convergence of all of these great things brought to my mind a number of things. I hope to post a number of posts today, but I just had to make this my first.
Last night, Emmy was having a hard time understanding prayers and such, and why we talk about talking to Jesus. She said, “Jesus isn’t really real really.” I could tell what she meant. It wasn’t that He was a cartoon or imaginary, but the thought all of us have had from time to time “why do I spend this time talking with no audible response.” It seems strange considering every day normal discourse never takes this form. But, there were a number of lessons for she and I to learn, and todays liturgy solidified them all
1. God likes playing hide and seek. God is humble, and He loves us. These two things mix together in a peculiar way in the life of a creature seeking his/her God and the relationship for which the soul longs. Being humble He is not easy to find. Partly because we people, especially here in America, are not humble enough to understand the kind of humility the does not want to be a disturbance, an attraction, or an exhibit. We cannot understand that there could be a God so humble that He cannot be seen or heard often. He doesn’t seek a spotlight and He doesn’t desire being the object of people’s pride. He generally remains hard to find, but not because He is unapproachable or distant, but because the seekers are not seeking a humble God and they miss Him when He shows up. They go for the one in kingly robes, and pass by the child laid in the feeding trough.
The flip side of this is that He loves us. Not only is He humble and therefore easy to miss, He also loves us and desires that we be saved. “Saved” as a word bothers me these days because it almost always stands in the mind for “go to heaven when you die.” But, God does not desire that we go to heaven when we die primarily, as far as I can tell. God desires that we be saved, that we be redeemed, that we achieve in ourselves what we were created to be. He desires that we achieve passionless love and self-emptying life. It is by hiding that He draws this out of us. When He hides from our eyes, a child-like faith says, “ready or not here I come.” It is thus through His hiding that we are spurred on to grow, to seek after Him, to love Him. It is by this game of hide and seek that we are wooed into love by our glorious creator. Some of us from time to time – I am chief of sinners – get to the point where we feel His hiding place is just too good and we just don’t have what it takes to find Him. We claim He is too hard to please, too distant, or most terribly angry at us and taking His revenge. But, this is simply not the case. He sits in His place whispering to us “you are getting colder, colder…you’re freezing!” He lures us back into hide and seek. And just when we think we have looked everywhere…we find Him. We are aroused with love, faith and hope, and then, with this desire rekindled He begins again to woo us in still greater ways. His ultimate goal is to woo us into total love with Him, and if we appreciate His love it is downright exciting.
2. Being Orthodox, ordinations are rather strange. The soon-to-be-ordained person stands in front of the people, with his back to them, looking at an icon for about 45 minutes (and that’s a conservative estimate). The priests and Bishop worship the Lord, and walk by Him as though he isn’t there. Suddenly they acknowledged him, washed their hands with his help, and left him again for at least 15 minutes. It is strange to me, this being my first ordination service. But it occurred to me today, that this is the lesson I gave to Emmy last night as well. We stand before the icon of Christ, praying, seeking God and as time passes we wonder, “what in the world is going on!” We pray, and it seems as though it goes unnoticed. However, nothing goes unnoticed by the Lord, and He does not overburden us by this waiting. It is simply that God is wise. He knows the proper liturgical time for our request and it he will not be a moment sooner or later than perfect. He does not speak, but one day He will speak. Today we stand on this side of the Iconostasis waiting for the Bishop and High Priest of our souls to say something and let us know when He intends to raise us up and allow us to enter into His full presence. We wait on the Lord. And suddenly He comes, but perhaps not yet to raise us up. And at once, unknown to those unfamiliar with the liturgy He celebrates, He turns, comes from behind the iconostasis and dwells with us forever. Emmy learned this last night with the answer to her question, and I learned it today in Divine Liturgy.