Reading the Psalms is a spiritual surgical tool. I constantly find myself unable to say the prayers as my own, and praying for my own destruction as I go. It is very hard for me to validly consider myself on God’s side of the Spiritual battle as the Psalms make abundantly clear that I am far from like Him who pleases God. Many people are attracted to the Psalms for comfort, but I am discomforted by them as much I am comforted. I am joyful for Christ’s election, but I am sorrowful that I am so unworthy to sing the Psalms of the kingdom
I am in the midst of a battle for my soul, and am on-the-job training as well. I am completely outmatched by the forces that war against me, and yet I know that He who is with us is greater than them who are for them. My angel works diligently, and much credit should go to God for his work. He is wise in his dealings with me letting me receive only as much attack as I need to humble myself, and never the great brunt of it which I am certain he takes on himself. I merely can say my prayers.
In Liturgy today I became more aware of this than I have ever been before. From time to time I struggle with distraction-temptations. Sometimes they are as simple as thinking about my day, or something I need to do, or how nicely someone is singing. Other times I battle extremely disgusting thoughts of things I would never do, these are extraordinarily strange and make me disgusted with myself for them even coming into my mind. But, when I experience them I realize that sin really does dwell in me, and there is a great deal of healing that needs to occur. But, in addition to this, it is very apparent that I need to become the Psalms, and in order to pray them I must become someone else. I need to the pray the Psalms like Christ, that Christ dwelling in me, these battles will vanquished by His cross.
